Why not laugh? Why cry? For the whole night, I was lying in bed, trying to think of happy moments so I could shed some tears. But my eyes were dry. Was it because I did not have a happy moment? Flashes of memories came to me, each one happy, and yet, each happy moment followed by sadness. It then dawned upon me, the happiest time I had all ended. Slowly my tears came. No long after, I ended with a stuff nose and dry throat and there I was, still lying in bed, cursing. Why did I have to cry? Oh, I remembered, I wanted to have tears, tears of happiness.
Happy moments were with my dog when he was “talking” to me. Happy moments were when I was in the water, splashing away in the pool to the arms of my dad. Sadly, both dog and dad are gone now. I never cried for them when both were still alive. But now, my tears are shed and wished that they are still here.
I have shed tears of anger and frustration once too often. Angry at myself, frustrated as circumstances around me are out of my control. How I wish I could control such emotions. Anger leads to hatred. How I hated the object that cause my unhappiness. In the end, I hated myself, since it was I who decided to be angry.
But how do I be happy? Each time I am happy, I end up sad. Someone once said, happiness is only a moment, it does not last. I liken it to the snowflake, beautiful as it is, when it meets the heat, it melts.
I am still searching today, when can I ever find true happiness?
Why so forlorn?
ReplyDeleteLife is and never was a bed of roses. If you thought it was, then you are deluding yourself and it is time you wake up.
If you cannot be happy, then think of the less unfortunate ones, the ones whose very lives are decimated by poverty, blighted by poor health and crushed by broken homes. As long as we can get up in the morning and breathe, we surely must be the lucky ones.
There is no need to go out looking for happiness. It is all around you.