Now, why did I resigned? Without a job, the purse strings are tighten. Every dollar, every cent, think thrice.. do I need it? Is there an alternative? Is it worth it? Heck, this was what I have been preaching since I learned to read my savings book but it is only now that I really put it in practice.
Oops, I am running away with my thoughts, back to the basis of this rant. I took a break from work, to recharge as many would say. For me, it was more of to recollect my thoughts, my passion, and more importantly my compassion. I lost my passion for work, I lost my compassion for those around me. I turned cold and cynical. Yet, those around me, my friends, rallied with me, to take a break.
And what a break it is. In the short period of a few weeks, I realised the support I get from those who were not the closest of friends and yet, they were most supportive. A break to recollect my thoughts. A break to quell the anger arising. A break to calm the mind.
While in this break, a "kalyana mitra" bugged me to work in a NGO since my passion was there. I took this advice, but not to work. I volunteered in menial jobs in the NGO, doing work what I used to assigned to junior staff. And yes, I am happy to do it. No pulling ranks. Just plain volunteerism.
This reflects back to the time I travel, when it was rushing here and there, to see the most I can in the limited time. Maximise my money worth. And only in recent months, I learned, travel is not necessary to see everything there is to see. I learn to take a break, take it slow, just relax, hang around the same spot daily, visit the same streets, eat the same food. It was a good holiday.
Most recent eye opener, take a break before the stress of life kills me. I was an the verge of depression. Not really yet, but just managed to stepped back. (Work was depressing. The workplace has killed my passion for what I have loved doing for more than a decade.) Again, a "kalyana mitra" came along, "let's go off on this holy day, to listen to a holy teacher". Without a thought of hesitation, I jumped onto the wagon. And what a coincidence, the teaching of the day was on depression. How apt. This time, it is to take a break and practise letting go, practise exuding love and compassion (which I am devoid of such). Yet many a time, I have run away from this. The fear of discovering my fragility, the fear of breaking down. How will I handle the melting of the cold iron in me?Maybe it is time I let the light of metta lit the path, and for it is I myself who has to walk that path.
